What Do Women Want?

What do women want? It’s a question that has stumped many. Hollywood is particularly enthralled with this idea of woman as an enigma that can never be truly understood. This of course stands as evidence that women have complex and intricate souls while men are primitive beasts. But… that’s a dream. Contrary to popular thought, women aren’t that difficult to understand.

What many women (and men) fail to realize is that women crave a loving man’s authority. In most situations, we thrive when we are given precise instructions on how to complete a given task. We need guidance and direction from a source outside of ourselves. When we don’t have this, we are miserable.

Consider the scene from, The Notebook, when Noah is passionately demanding a decision from Ally, repeatedly asking, “What do you want?!” Clearly, she has no idea.

Consider also the scene from P.S. I Love You where Daniel is asking Holly what women want. She replies in a whisper that, “We have absolutely no idea what we want.” 

Everyone – even Hollywood – knows women don’t know what they want. I would suggest that this is because our society no longer treats the Scriptures as a basis for knowledge. The Bible puts women under the headship and protection of men precisely because, without them, we don’t know what we want.

This is a reality we can’t escape from, as it goes all the way back to the garden. Eve was created specifically for Adam; his wants are her wants. On the other hand, without a man, a woman has a sense of purposelessness. A woman alone does not know what she wants. However, a woman with a man to follow, doesn’t have to worry about what she wants. She wants what he wants, of course.

So how are we to answer the question of “What does a woman want?” Simply like this: a woman most deeply wants to be told what to want. She doesn’t want to have to figure out what to want. She wants a man that she trusts and can follow without worrying about what she wants. Does he want it? Then, she wants it. He has his sights set on the future, she has her sights set on him. This is the beauty of God-created gender roles, and in this sense, men and women are truly complementary. She is his helper perfectly suited to him. 


4 thoughts on “What Do Women Want?

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  1. I am sorry, I cannot agree with you. I know what a woman wants. It’s what Ephesians chapter 5 of the BIBLE promises to her: a loving and affectionate husband, who will love her and guide her the way Jesus does the Church. Agape love which is the love commanded of husbands, means “commitment or choose to love, affection and high esteem”. A husband who VALUES her the way Jesus values His people. Woman is to be valued with high esteem and honor by her husband in return for the submission she gives to him when she marries him. Hollywood is hardly a guide on what a woman wants and we as Christians are not to look to the world for guidance.


    1. There is no exchange within marriage. He does this if and when she does this or vice versa. There are simply the duties of each partner toward one another regardless of whether the other person fulfills his duties or not. But this is a bit of a detour from the point of the post. The post was not so much about what a woman wants *from a man* but about what she wants in general. In general, she subconsciously doesn’t want the responsibility of having to make decisions for herself. That was the original point.


      1. I am not sure what you mean by exchange. Ephesians 5 is a model of true marriage, which, if the man and woman are both righteous is a promise of God. And these duties and obligations are done out of agape love. A duty performed only out of obligation is not performed out of love for God. I can agree with you that a righteous woman knows to give decisions to the man; but you make it sound like she doesn’t know what she wants, which is different, and makes it sound like she is brainless and silly. A righteous woman knows the design of God and submits her will to what God has willed, and looks for the promise that she will have her husband’s love in return.


  2. Not all women are brainless and silly – it was never my intention to make them out as such. The question is not one of capability, but of desire. Women may be able to function in this way, but they do not want to. By and large, women are happier when the weight of a decision does not rest on their shoulders. They would happily forego getting to choose in order not to have the responsibility.

    And for the record, I am in full agreement with Ephesians 5. I don’t see how what I say conflicts with it.


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